My bondage with rain was as strong
as a covalent bond. Every drop on me signified some special memory… which I
can't remember. All of you will enjoy the rain. Like all of you, I'm no
different. I loved rain for the memories it showered upon me. Every now and
then I'd relish those sweet happenings. You know how a tiny drop of water from
the heavens splashing on your nose on a cloudy dark day will lift your mood.
Fuck the damn drop, even the mere scent of the earth to mark the arrival of the
droplets would cheer you up. Ain’t I right.? Remember yourself a few years ago,
when you weren't all this fucked up, you would open up your arms looking up at
the sky, enjoying every drop on your face. So much love we have.
In fact Happiness is
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I could go on and on about how I
loved rain. Yes, you heard me right. Loved.
It all happened on one day, rather one night I must say. I was making my way
back to my crib from my school mate's sister's reception. I was
accompanied by no one but my music. My phone singing to me Incubus's hit song –
‘Drive’. A cool breeze flowing through my car's front windows and I was
enjoying it. Traffic is never an issue as long as you've the right song
playing. It was some 50km odd journey for me. I was tearing apart the wind with
my Lamborghini 800 on the highway when the first drop decided to show up. Soon
all the other fellow drops started dancing on the roof of my car and sliding
down the glasses. Of course I enjoyed the tapatapa taratapatapa
taratara tarapatapata tune.
Elders say, "Too much of
anything is good for nothing". It was 34 mins ETA to my house
approx. Well, that's what my maps informed me. It was then that the insanity of
the rain shot up like a fucktard. I wouldn't say it was raining cats and
dogs. Instead it was raining dragons and dinos. I had to maximize the
frequency of wiping periods of my wipers so that I could at least see
wraith images of people and amorphous cars. The visibility was reduced
manifold. It was like seeing through a pixelated mirror.
Traffic was moving in a slow
yet steady pace. I had to keep my eyes open, sharp like a hawk
else I'd miss a turning. And did I say I was totally relying on
Google Maps? The high beams from
the opposite direction only added misery to those driving on my side
and vice vera. The coldness developed to blue frostbite on my car
glass. The rain drops scattered the high beam lights throughout the
glass and all I could see was scattered red and yellow
lights.
Beaming yellow headlights, frosty
blue bordered car glasses, thunderous thunderstorms, ear piercing honks and I
heard my map lady's voice whispering," Take the Chennai Bypass road and
continue straight for 12 Kms." And thanks to the above said distractions,
I took the Chennai slip road instead.
There. Mistake #1
I decided to pull aside and checked
my phone. It said, 'Redirecting'. HFS.... I was like not
aaagainnnn. It asked me to take a U turn and go back to take the
Chennai Bypass road. I thought I’d save some time by taking the service
lane running parallel to the bypass.
There again. Mistake #2
I steered down the service lane
hoping to join the bypass road.
There you go, another one. Mistake
#3
I partially recovered from the fear
of getting lost as soon as I took the service lane. I relaxed myself by
stopping nearby to change the soundtrack which I totally ignored for a while. I
resumed my journey. It was a very pleasant one. How pleasant?
Drizzling slowly, I could see on the
headlight path,
Smooth and wet road straight ahead,
All my worries off my head,
To my right was the bypass
road - my Christmas star
To my left was the long stretch of
trees which the rain mar,
Cold breeze lost its way through my
hair
A hot coffee - I wish it was there.
This pleasant that I love to share.
Driving on the fourth gear I was all
singing out loud, " Whiskey and wine.... night after night you haunt
me". High on confidence and in good mood my eyes caught the big green
board. I instantly exhaled all the air I inhaled and my feet couldn't hit the
gas anymore. My memory couldn't take anything new. It went into repeat mode,
replaying what I saw. The sign board said its about a thousand kms to Mumbai and Kolkata
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National Highway
NH45
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| Mumbai
Kolkata
Bangalore
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| 1084 1176 568 |
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My head my like where the hell are
you? Mumbai? Kolkata? Wait, what the heck. All the pleasantness and pleasure of
the drive took a hard blow. *Thud* the smooth road ended. As much as what I
heard I think if one can experience turbulence in a car, this would be it. More
bumps and thuds forced me to decelerate. I halted at once not even bothering to
use the indicator, ‘cause I was the only soul stuck in this fucking place. I
took out my mobile to check if by any chance I was in the right direction. I
turned on my location and demanded it to plot me on that barren land. It read,
waiting for location, and moments later I was taken down to the road I was. I
deviated by about 5 Kms. My fingers immediately hit the "take me
home" button in panic and it was 11 pm already. I saw the
re-routing wordings as I was sweating profusely. The blue lines took
me home in light speed. I convinced myself saying, it’s just a
straight road and we shall be away from this unknown place.
After much of the convincing part
got over, I unleashed the true potential of the car. But I dare not
go beyond 60. The road was slushy and muddy, took me time to adjust
to the constant drift. I never drove skidding all the way. It was akin
driving on a icy road in Canada. I was swinging from left to right and
right to left. The adrenaline surge was overwhelming. I could feel it
filling me. Far away I could see a small light. A yellow light approaching
me. I was approaching it too. Suddenly it stopped and it started
flickering. Puzzled I was, I didn't give a "fu" in fuck and I could
see it was a small tempo, then what happened? Whoosh.Water splashed on both sides.
Was it a water ride in an amusement park? So that's why he stopped. What a good
soul he even cautioned me. Oh fuck me. How nice of him and what did I do. In
exactly 2 feet which I could barely see was a big pothole which I guess
was half a foot deep probably. And it was raining heavily. The rain helped the
pothole to transform into a mini kettle. Within minutes it was oozing out
brownish water. Okay I’m not sure if its half a feet deep now. I had no
other go than to take the plunge. I slowly released the clutch. Slowly the
wheels started moving forward inch by inch. I doubted if the car could ever
make it out. Slowly the wheels started invading the overlaying water. I could
feel my wheels sinking into the pothole. The rear wheels sunk with a splash of
water. I waded my car through the kettle. As I continued my phone said 4%
remaining. Slowly the screen dimmed away and blacked out. So did my
engine. It refused to come back to life.
I sat static after innumerable
attempts of revival failed. That time I could feel the fear tearing apart my
composure, my confidence and all my good vibes. It just shredded like paper in
a paper shredder. I was the only living soul in that whole stretch. The only
living soul on that stretch filled with water, mud, dirt and a highway beside. Neither
a single honk nor a headlight. Total darkness. Absolute solitude. I peeped out of the window wondering if
the moon showed up. No it didn't. At that given time I was in oblivion.
Lost in that darkness. I thought I
wouldn’t reach home that night. I wanted to be selfish. I wanted to reach
home. I only wanted to reach home. I was thinking about the innumerable number
of calls I would have got from my mother to my switched off phone. I thought of
the dearest people in my life. My Family. My bros(my extended family) My
besties and the people who showed the best of my life. I was stuck in that
place for about 15 minutes. I tried another set of attempts to ignite my
vehicle, all in vain. My stupid mind decided to play tricks with me,
taking me on rides to memories I wish not to visit. MADE me accept that
all my life I was a selfish guy and never did I think about anyone. Never did I
care about anyone. Still dreaming I was stuck there feeling infinitesimal.
Realized how I reluctantly opposed changes in my life. Ironically how much I
changed for the people who play a minor role in my life. Still aimless
travelling in the speed of time in my life. How lonely I feel in solitude. How
dependant I’m. How attached I’m. In that 15 minutes I decided on a few things.
Things that would break me and those which could possibly make me. Closed my
eyes I was resonated with my emotional ties. I could neither say I enjoyed it
nor I regretted it.
I decided that “self” is more
important than “social”. Because self is more fascinating. It takes you to a whole
new level the deeper you try to look into it. If only you look into you can you
test your limits. I realized how hooked we are to people who mean a lot to us
and not the same way around. Im not saying attachment should be avoided. It can’t
and its inevitable. So does change. I also realized that my past was not a
smooth ride and neither a story to tell nor a story to listen to. But I want
not the past to find its way to my future. For that I need to cut some load off
the hot air ballon which is meant to go up. At the same time the memories and
experiences can’t be sidelined. I can’t afford to shut them off. Without them I’m
not where I’m. A look past my years I’ve changed remarkably both the ways (the
good and the bad). In fact it is what life is about. About the decisions we
make and the risks we take to live what we want to feel and see. When we see we
shall feel its all worth it, for there is nothing called a mistake. Ever decision
we take defines us. I realized that I’ve taken a quite a few good ones. I could
justify them based on the dearest people I found. I promised myself that if I could
get off this place I will see to it that my decisions will benefit me more. I promised
to see and feel what’s more important.
I was drowned in my our thoughts. My
thoughts were interrupted by the sounds of continuous honking. I was half
asleep. I didn't even realize! At last a honk. A lorry driver stopped
by and checked if I was alright. i looked so desperate. I didn’t utter a
word. My face showed it all. He asked me not to panic asking me to hang on. He tied a rope to my
car connecting it to his lorry. The lorry had no problem in the kettle. With a
little pull he helped my car get off the kettle. I thanked him
wholeheartedly even though he didn't understand what I said because the rain
was louder than my words. But my “Thank you” was louder than my words touching
his heart. He smiled and said take care. I asked him directions and
he guided me for few kilometers.
PP56.The very sight of it made me
heave a sigh of relief. That is the bus route that leads me to a
place I know from where I could no longer get lost. I signaled the lorry
with three pulses and overtook him. He responded with two pulses. I smiled
looking at it in my side mirror. That is the first time I think I smiled
since getting lost. The fear which controlled my emotions was smashed hard
and good vibes took over once again. I felt a sense of satisfaction I never
knew why. Maybe because I took the hard decisions. Maybe. Within half an hour,
I reached my crib after a gruesome 3 hours of getting lost and accompanied
by fear. It was one hellva ride.
This drive was one of the most
unforgettable ones in my life. I took a road less travelled both in terms of
the road and my emotional side. Even though it benefited me I'd say I never
wanted that ride.
But few things life teaches us the
hard way. That wrong turn, that 15 minutes, that lorry driver, that tempo
driver, everything meant something. Every mistake I did lead to this.As I said
there is no mistake. Travels are not always about smiles and rainbows. It’s
about solitude, it’s about discovering yourself.
Had it not rained that night, I
wouldn't have been through all this. God I hate the rain so much. Because it changed me.
So that was the day I disliked rain.
