Why I Quit Being Nice

When I graduated from High school, a friend of mine came to me and said something which I think I could never forget. She said, “ Aravind, you’re such a nice person. I think if I had met the nicest person in this entire would, it would be you without any doubt. I've never heard anyone say a bad thing about you. Don’t ever change.”

(Because that’s the most said phrase when you depart)

To me honestly, it felt like the highest compliment anyone could ever get. I thought people love me for being nice and hence I told myself “being nice” is going to be my synonym. Forever.

I did my best to be the same.

I tried. And I was nice until one day, a painful realization came crashing over to me: niceness ain't everything.

For so many years I worked hard to be nice, trying to live up to what my friend had told about me. In one sense, it felt good and right and admirable to be the kind of person who never did a bad thing to anyone, and who never gave anyone reason to say a bad thing about me.

Most of us have learned that it’s good to be nice, that we should put others first, that we should always help them and have a reputable image in front of others. If you’re frequently seen as a nice person, this is probably the sign that you’ve internalized this way of thinking a bit too well.

I’m not against helping others or being kind. I do think however that many people take this too far and end up sacrificing their own needs in order to please others, thinking that this will solve everything in their lives. And unfortunately, that’s very far from the truth. Well that’s perks of being a wallflower.

This topic has recently started receiving serious attention in the world of psychology, where phenomena such as the nice girl or nice guy syndrome are now being studied vigilantly.

Years have passed. But what had changed?

Nothing.

Nothing? Really ?

Think about it. If you remain like a wallflower (read nice) you will ignore all the things around you.

I realized being “nice” wasn't doing for me what I wanted it to do.Being “nice” was preventing me from saying what I thought about things.

I wouldn't want that girl to feel like I was singling her out, or overstepping my bounds.I wouldn't want my friends to feel like I was rejecting them.

It prevented me, years later, from expressing political opinions or theological opinions or even opinions about where I wanted to eat dinner — which in turn prevented me from having authentic, meaningful relationships with people. In some cases, friends would beg me to say what I thought, but instead of being honest, I would mimic those around me, and then (of course) feel invisible.

"When you can’t tell the truth about yourself, you cease to exist as a person."

Trying to maintain my “nice guy” image I held me back from doing things I wish to do; to say things I meant to say; most importantly be who I want to be. I changed my perspective according to the group of people I was with.

“being nice is like a liquid, takes the shape it resides. Doesn’t have any identity other than being flexible.”

But you may wonder being flexible is an added advantage. Yes! Indeed. But not at the cost of your needs. It is that thin line between kindness and niceness. Your need is that thin line.

So then what is the solution?

Be kind. Not nice. Nice could be tormenting if you are in the wrong place with the wrong people. Nice, from my perspective is a strong sign of being weak.

 I think the quality my friend noticed in me on that last day of high school is an important one. I care about people, and want them to feel loved, noticed and important. But “niceness” as I defined it all those years was actually getting the way of what I was trying to accomplish. 

'Sometimes niceness isn't very kind at all'

What is with the #hashtags

A Mashable article written by Jillian Kumagai listed out the top 10 most cliché hashtags that people are guilty of overusing(but still does). As I was going through that article I found myself going, “ Yep I do. This one too… that one too.. but not too much I guess.. woah definitely this one… hell yeah..” At the end of the article I started wondering why has hashtags really been overused. Why did its existence just boomed up? Suddenly my perspective of hashtags totally reversed its polarity. I found it crazy to use a random guy's hashtag in a middle of a conversation. The tweet was like this, “Today seems to be a #pleasant day at #my_locality.” Does someone even care about #my_locality ? I wouldn't take time to use that underscore unless and until it has a reasonable reason.

While some hashtags are stupid and overused without any need (like #lol #rofl) I feel there are few instances where a hashtag really does its job like a boss. A hashtag at the end of a tweet – a meaning full tweet. Sometimes they might be sarcastic. But seriously hashtag obsession has raised the limit of the sky.

Now where do we find hashtags ? damn sorry that was such a rhetorical question. Duh, everywhere. Even in whatsapp. Seriously even on whatsapp? Yes my fellow netizens, I find people using hashtags in whatsapp staus not realizing the very purpose of hashtag. Whats even worse? I get to watch pictures with hashtags embedded on to them.  Twitter is where I get to see a tweet fully with hashtags. Followed by Instagram. Lemme give you an example; A picture of a coconut tree with the horizon has hashtags such as the following hashtags

#tree
#coconuttree
#talltree
#tendercoconut
#sand
#bluesky
#withsomewhiteclouds
#andsomedarkclouds
#sun
#sunnyday
#haveahappyday
#weather

Now you tell me would you or would you not get annoyed by this picture. If you didn’t then I guess its most probably one of your pictures. I bet will everything I own.

What does hashtag really do? Why did it come into existence ? Hashtags were first used to make searching of photos, files and articles related to what you want to see easy. Like in case if you want to search topics regarding a restaurant, you use #<name of the restaurant> and you find what you wanted. But now due to the advent of hashtags in almost every social media, you would find plethora  of related as well as non related search results. Now that’s a heads up for you(which you probably would have known due to your experiences). Now that being said I find it sometimes justifiable to use hashtags when and where it is required. Because honestly even I use hashtags but not like these. I would sum up that entire picture with #scenery( which I mentioned above). I hope we all  use Hashtags when it has to be used. 

I really recommend you people to watch this video #hashtag with Jimmy Fallon. This one is so crazy I laughed more than i should have. Trust me it highlights the obsession of today's netizens.

Signing off,

#Scatteredthoughts (sarcasm intended)

The Beautiful Emotions Of Diwali

The Beautiful Emotions Of Diwali

(a colorful emotion too)

 

 

 

Diwali is just around the corner. Exactly 90 degrees (at the time of posting this). In case you don't get it, it was nine pm when I posted it and so yeah you must have got it by now. Well lets get back on track then. Diwali. The moment you read the title I bet your mind would have been bombarded with thousands of thoughts. It's au naturel. It is a trait of a normal Human being. Rather a human brain I can say. Allow me to screed your top ten thoughts out of the infinite thoughts that just doesn't end with food.

 

Here are the top ten thoughts (happy ones and sad ones)
 

1. Sweets and souvenirs

2. New clothings and shopping

3. Diwali bonus(comes from company or grandparents or both) 

4. Oil bath *sigh* 

5.Crackers *bang bang bang*

6.So much sweets and im going to get fat

7.Damn it I love to eat. Sweets again

8. Get together with family relatives and our friends

9. FDFS for Thala/Thalapathy movies

10.Wishing your Crush a happy Diwali(to their family too)

 



    Crackers and Sweets have become synonyms for Diwali. The people around us, look at them instead of your newsfeed. We will be one. We lose our differences and cherish the moment if not the day. That satisfies the very purpose of any festival. You see a stranger, you say " Happy Diwali ji", he waves backs and reciprocates. Doesn't this happen everyday? Hell no. He thinks you're a lunatic sociopathe who tries to kidnap and sell their kidneys for the new iPhone. Festival is designed to make us feel good and spread the good vibe to those who cant afford it. That is why our culture has a lot of Festivals. To spread the joy and to make the less fortunate smile, we share what we can to alleviate their sadness momentarily. To share, to care, to make them smile, to levitate our happiness and our mood despite our stressful lives we celebrate.Thank God there are so many festivals.

 

Even though we dissolve our differences, residues do remain. Greed is the top contender amongst the many. Greed can alone destroy anything and everything it lays it's eyes upon. Greed is akin to cancer except that it's not biological. Greed evolves from need. That is why there is an old saying,"Be content with what you have". With greed comes a little bit of looting. and why does it come along with it? If you can't satisfy your greed in a clean way then looting takes over. Looting is akin to a parasite controlled by greed. To overcome these, the greatest minds who once lived even before A.D. was predicted in the B.C. who practically wrote the drafts of the culture, mentioned the word share. Next is Ego. Life could be so easy if one can erase it as simple as erasing with an eraser. A lot of meaningful emotions and relations cease because of this.

Negate the culture aside. To our conscience let us descend from who we wish to be to who we really are. Share your feelings, haven't caught up with old pals? there couldn't be an even more purposeful day. Carry sweets when you meet them. Hug them. Smile at people you know. Doesn't alone make you confident, it as well makes them happy. Smile is an emotion so is happiness. Spread the good vibe. Share what you have to the less fortunate. For instance Share sweets with maids, security guards, drivers or anyone at all you know. Because to give is an emotion. To receive is an emotion as well. To see then Smile as they receive is an emotion which I will say is way above everything!

This is an article written hastily on behalf of me to wish all my readers, their friends and family a very pleasant as well as a silent and happy colorful Diwali. I wish this festival of lights will banish the darkness inside everyone of you so that it doesn't remember it's way back to you ever again. I also appreciate those who are celebrating this festival of light without any noise.. In spite of being bullied for being eco friendly and branded as "vetti scene" you guys are doing a great job. Proud of you people.  I hope to see a lot of you guys, to restrict yourself from bursting crackers and burning your money for that. Once again, let the light dominate the darkness. Happy Diwali :)     

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Got a minute?

Sixty seconds please?

Show me somebody who is always smiling, always cheerful, always optimistic, and I will show you somebody who doesn't have the faintest idea on what the heck is really going on. Well for him, ignorance is bliss and it's the same case for person who just absorbs whatever he hears. Most of us fall in either one of the two categories. I mean it's totally fine and normal to be in any one of them except that we are idiots. This picture sums up pretty well. 

What we do in high school, senior college or say at office(you just sit down in front of the same monitor and tap the same keys everyday, don't you?). We are all confined into a system which oppresses our abilities to think beyond the system. The last time someone who tried to think outside the system (our very own physics book cover guy- Galileo) was executed by the church which claimed to be the SPEAK OF GOD. I mean come on man, that guy was right. The earth is not fucking center of the universe. We are the corner most dust of the universe. That man was bloody genius. 

I gotta agree with what Pheobe say.

Can't they? Seriously?

All you need is a minute. Would you spare a minute for me? 

Girls? 

Guys?

I can make your mind=blown in a minute.

Have you ever wondered why the sun lightens our hair but darkens our skin?

Or this one. Why do women can't close their mouth when they put their mascara?

Or a very basic question which we open and close when we are bored. The refrigerator. How come you have light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

Maybe like why the hell the word "abbreviated" is so long? I know. The irony. But why?

This classic one from the internet. If people point their wrist when asking for the time, why don't they point to their bum when they ask where the restroom is? I know it's funny.

Something which is fundamentally wrong like why you call houses, apartments when they are all stuck together and if humans evolved from apes, why are they still apes? Shouldn't you suddenly find a naked man inside a cage in your local zoo?

Why round pizza is delivered in square box? Why do people say they slept like a baby when babies wake up every now and then to kill the fuck outta you? 

All you need is to think out of the box- Lateral thinking. Yes. Have you ever wondered what would be speed of lightning if it's not zigzag? Or why glue doesn't stick to the bottle? Or why the hell do they sterile the needle for death by lethal injection? (Come on don't temme you don't know they do that).

That guy Galileo not only toppled the state and the church ideologies but also ruined my fundamental ideas during my childhood. "The sun rises in the east and sets in the west" 

*Galileo interrupts* " Ahmm I say I just found out that the sun never rotates. Boom. My entire childhood was a lie.

If you just take a minute away from the system routine and think I guess we can set the alarm to wake the Issac and Galileo's sleeping inside us. Life will be even more interesting.

Before I say "until next time", a small thought. Have you ever realized that the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle song have the same tune? Why don't you go ahead and sing both of them. Meanwhile I'll come up with something interesting. 

Until next time folks :)